come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
