we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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