Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
