i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
