What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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