my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
