Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
