Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
