I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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