broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
