(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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