non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
