Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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