fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My ass is underappreciated
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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