I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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