Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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