so that wasnt chicken after all
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize