Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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