We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
