she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
