I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
