the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
