The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i've created a new STD.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
