Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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