I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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