i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
