I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
