Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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