exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
