So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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