My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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