Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize