He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
