I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
