I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
