im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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