after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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