Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
