I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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