More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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