She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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