Do vagina's smell?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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