Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
