I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
honey bunches of taint.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
