Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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