I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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