you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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