i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
