everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
