I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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