all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize