you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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