It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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