I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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