I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
