ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm like, not good at living.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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