just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
