I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
