I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
