Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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