I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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