Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
