pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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