I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
