he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
