Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
