I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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