how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize