my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
