i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
