I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
