It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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