How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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