Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize