Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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