these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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