you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
