As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
