I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize