she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
