He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
