I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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