This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
